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*The stunning photo in the header of my blog is all thanks to Ron Shoshani. Visit his facebook page for more of his amazing photographs of Tel Aviv!

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Slums of Tel Aviv

Not everyone knows about them, but there are definitely slums in Tel Aviv. That's not to say that the entire city doesn't look a bit slummy sometimes, but there are certain areas that are significantly slummier than others. I've lived in nearly all of them. I've decided to categorize the top five slums in Tel Aviv according to the following criteria:

1) Ability to walk down street without men whistling at me
2) Ability to walk down street without cars stopping, mistaking me for a whore
3) Ability to walk down street without tripping over a drunk homeless person
4) Number of languages spoken in neighborhood that aren't Hebrew
5) Smelliness of trash +food
6) Number of shouting matches that occur during the course of 24 hours
7) Number of violent fights that break out on the street
8) Number of cats
9) Number of old ladies who feed the cats
10) Total number of friends who will not give me a ride home because they are scared of driving through the neighborhood.

After doing some rough calculations.....drum roll please.... I present you with:

Tel Aviv's Top Ten Slums!!!!
10)Neve Gan: Ok, to be quite honest with you, I really don't know anything about this area. But this guy that I work with keeps telling me how run down it is, so I'm just going to have to believe him.
9)Neve Sharet: Um, yea. Ditto.
8) Givat Hertzel: too industrial to be a slum, really, but it sits right in between three big slums- so let's just say it's a slum crossing.
7) Florentine: it's dirty and there's shit and drug addicts everywhere, but somehow it's also chic!
6) Shapira: Lots of drunk old men with no teeth, and plenty of fat, old prostitutes.
5) Neve Sha'an: The red light district of tel aviv, with some multicultural flair. The whole area smells like a mix of curry and b.o.
4) Hatikvah: high crime rate, poor families, plenty of police patrol and way way too many stray animals.
3) Yafo Alef: Just moving into Yafo. Fewer old ladies feeding cats. More old men smoking cigarettes and being nasty.
2)Schunay Chisachon: Industrial.
1)Ajami: I mean, they made a freakin movie about it. And that movie scared the crap out of me.

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